Is Ebony Really all that Good?
by ThreeBulletNecklace
Summary: Noctis thinks Ignis should let him try some of his prized coffee. Ignis vehemently disagrees.


**Author's Note:** I wish I owned Final Fantasy (my phone is trying to autocorrect that to Finland wtf), but I don't. Square Enix do and they probably wouldn't approve of the dumb stuff I'm getting their characters to do.

 **Is Ebony Really all that Good?**

A cool breeze washed over the Regalia as it made its elegant way along the uncomfortably hot and humid Duscaen roads. The party was silent, save for Prompto, who was quietly humming a jaunty-sounding tune, probably from one of the video games he frequently referenced.

Prince Noctis laid his head back against the headrest, letting his eyes wander randomly around the verdant terrain as it rolled by the side of the car. It had been a long day, with most of it spent running across the countryside playing errand boy for Takka, the head chef at the Hammerhead Diner. Why that man couldn't fetch his own produce was beyond Noct. Surely he could hire someone who has _wasn't_ royalty to find his precious beans? Besides, beans sucked, and anyone who thought otherwise was clearly wrong.

A bump in the road jostled him, derailing Noctis' bean-themed train of thought. He glanced around the car, and saw Gladio had fallen asleep in the middle of reading his book, which had fallen out of his hands and onto his lap. A snore made its way out of Gladio's throat, causing Noctis to smirk. He caught Prompto's eye, and jerked his head in the direction of the slumbering giant.

Prompto grinned, needing no other hints. In a second, his camera was in his hand, and a moment later, Gladio's sleeping face, featuring a comically open mouth, had been immortalised. Prompto's grin widened, and he gave Noctis an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Noctis nodded, and went back to staring at the countryside. A few idle minutes slipped by in silence. Noctis passed the time by watching the sunset. Occasionally, Prompto would snap a photo of it, fussing over how best to set the exposure for the most dramatic and colourful results.

The sound of a can opening caught Noctis' attention. He turned his gaze to the driver's seat, where Ignis had cracked open another can of his seemingly ever-present Ebony coffee. As Noctis watched, he raised the can to his lips, took a sip that could almost be described as dainty, and set the can back down, looking as satisfied as Ignis allowed himself to look.

A thought struck Noctis.

"Hey, Ignis." He ventured. "I might have asked before, but is Ebony really all that good?" After he finished phrasing his question, he could see Ignis smirk ever so slightly in the forward mirror. He paused to push up his glasses by a half centimetre, then replied.

"I might have answered before." Ignis said in his clipped, deliberate accent. "But yes. It is." He finished, and took another sip from the can.

"Huh." Noctis made a noise of general interest and acknowledgement. Then, "Can I have some?"

A look of fleeting surprise passed over Ignis' face before he regained his composure. "I'm afraid I will have to decline your request, Your Highness. I only have one remaining after this, and I was planning on having it with dinner."

"But-" Noctis began.

"If you _really_ want some, you shall simply have to procure it yourself." Ignis continued. "We have accrued enough gil to purchase a sizable amount if you wish to stock up."

"But it's getting dark already, and there isn't a store for miles!" Noctis whined, not unlike a pouting child.

Ignis fixed him with a look in the mirror. "Then I'm afraid you will have to wait until morning. The roads are far too perilous at night, and I am not risking our lives for coffee. No matter _how_ delicious it is."

"But I want it!" Noctis glared, arms crossed defiantly.

Ignis sighed. "Noct, I am not your mother, but if you continue to behave like a petulant child, I will be forced to act like one. Now stop complaining. It is unbecoming of a King-incumbent."

Noctis' eyes shot daggers at Ignis, but he relented, falling into a moody sulk.

The rest of the car ride passed in sullen silence.

An hour later, just as the final sliver of light vanished under the horizon, Ignis brought the Regalia to a halt, citing a suitable campsite approximately two hundred yards away. The team disembarked, rather reluctantly in Noctis' case, and set about transporting the relevant equipment over.

It took several minutes, not helped at all by a sky growing darker every minute, and Noctis grumbling under his breath the entire time. The rest of the party simply rolled their eyes at each other and carried on. Except for Ignis, he was far too dignified for eye-rolling.

With no conversation to distract them, the party managed to set up the tent, chairs and cooking station in record time. Prompto tried taking a couple of photos, but gave up when the light was too murky, and his subjects didn't seem particularly interested.

When all their gear was set up, the party retreated into doing their own individual things. Prompto engrossed himself in King's Knight, making unconscious little noises whenever something dramatic happened in his game. Gladiolus went inside the tent to read, but promptly fell asleep again, and Ignis busied himself with the cooking.

It was then that Noctis saw his opportunity. Ignis would be occupied for the next forty five minutes to an hour, depending on what we was preparing. Noctis could discount Prompto from noticing anything as well. As much as he valued him, Prompto definitely wasn't the most observant of friends.

Noctis grinned to himself. The coffee would soon be his. Oh yes, it would be all his, and _nothing_ could possibly stop him.

He waited until Ignis was deeply involved with the cooking, and then edged his way slowly over to where their supplies were sat, trying to appear natural, and like he wasn't sneaking.

Being as silent as possible but moving as quickly as he dared, Noctis began to dig through their supplies, enthusiastically searching for the prize he had begun to covet oh so much. Yet, after a minute, he still hadn't found it. It had to be here, surely. There was no way Ignis could have secreted it away without him noticing.

And then, at last, at the very bottom of a cooler, tucked away into a corner, he found it. He snatched the holy can up, cradling it to his chest as if it were a child. A triumphant, almost psychotic grin split his face. He had won.

Noctis cracked the can open, making as little noise as was physically possible. He raised it to his lips, quivering in anticipation of the delicious flavours he was no doubt about to experience. He closed his eyes. The cold edge of the can touched his lips.

"Noct." Came a voice. "What are you doing?" The voice was calm, and yet somehow contained apoplectic fury. Fury directed at him.

Noctis opened his eyes.

Ignis was stood over him, arms crossed, waiting expectantly for an answer.

Noctis' eyes widened. He slowly put the can down. "I... uh. I can explain?" He offered.

Ignis pushed his glasses up, and glared. "No. Somehow, I really don't think you can."

Gladiolus was torn from his slumber by a series of high pitched yelps. He bolted upright, catching Prompto's eye. "What the hell was that?" He said.

Prompto shrugged, and opened his mouth to answer. But before he could, a frantically sprinting Noctis rounded the corner, his expression pure panic. In his arms was clutched the precious last can of Ebony coffee.

Ignis followed swiftly, his usual implacable composure replaced with seething indignity at having his last can stolen.

"Bloody well get back here!" He was shouting.

"Nuh-uh!" Noctis yelled back.

Gladiolus and Prompto simply rolled their eyes and returned to their respective activities.

The chase ended rather suddenly. Noctis, while looking back to see if Ignis was gaining on him – he was- failed to notice an wayward tree root sticking out of the ground. Noctis' foot caught under it, and his lateral momentum suddenly found itself converted into downwards momentum. The can itself went flying off into the dark, where it landed in a small pond, spilling its delicious contents into already murky brown water.

Ignis stood, aghast, unable to form words. This was a transgression of the highest order, one that would not go unpunished.

Noctis cowered, fearful of the wrath of his friend. But it never came. Ignis simply turned and, without a word, strode back to the camp.

Noctis picked himself up, and followed cautiously. He arrived just after Ignis, and was surprised to find he had already returned to cooking. Noctis sat down in one of the fold out chairs, eyeing Ignis with great trepidation.

His fears were confirmed when Ignis served the food. He brought Noctis' plate over, and set it down slowly, while making deliberate eye contact with Noctis, and smirking.

Noctis looked down at the plate, and to his horror, saw that it was nothing but steamed vegetables, with an abundance of his most hated veggie of all: carrots.

The Prince went hungry that night.

 **Author's Note:** God this was dumb. Like, seriously dumb. But I kept hearing the coffee dialogue in the game, and it wouldn't leave my head, so of course I had to write this.

Anyway, I hope you got a giggle out of this. And since you're reading this, go buy the game. It's frigging amazing, and it sent me on a serious feel trip. Walk tall, my friends.


End file.
